All Aboard

There's something strangely satisfying about being the last person to board a plane. Everyone is waiting on YOU and they won't take off until YOU have your seatbelt safely clicked into place. It's rather liberating. On my most recent trip to Kansas, I was actually the second-to-last person on board but the guy behind me was so drunk he almost didn't count. He stumbled on, rather than boarded, the plane. I heard him mumble something about this being "his first time on this sh*t." I took that to mean he was a first time flyer. That might explain the wobbly foot work and the empty Bud Light clutched in his sweaty grip. Shortly after finding his way to his seat, he was promptly escorted off the plane. I heard a few cheers coming from the back, which must've come from his seatmates. Guess you're supposed to wait until the flight begins before you get completely smashed. He was probably just relieved to have his first flight postponed a little while longer.

Speaking of flights and booted passengers, a couple of weeks ago I got a letter in the mail from a private investigator looking for some details regarding an incident that occurred on board a flight to Hong Kong last spring. Apparently I was a witness and the DA in Anchorage, Alaska has a few questions to ask me. I'm hoping for an all expenses paid subpoena to Anchorage to come out of of this. I hear Alaska is lovely in the winter. Although perhaps I just ruined my chances by discussing this matter in public on my blog. We'll see...